Poor Poor Yami
by InactiveAnon
Summary: The story I promised Yami in In Which Yami Malik Stalks BloodEngel. Yami's having a bad day...
1. Chapter 1

**Rated:** G **Genre:** Short Story/Humorous **Author:** BloodEngel **Written:** July 8, 2005

Poor Poor Yami

Summary: The Fic I promised to write Yami in "In Which Yami Malik Stalks BloodEngel" Neh heh. Yami's having a VERY bad day. Poor poor Yami. (I'm making fun of him if you can't tell.)

**Chapter One:** In Which The Promise is Kept (Intro.)

It was five something in the morning and BloodEngel was being bored…Again. Let's not get into the whole 'bored talk' like we did before all right? All right. And I just want you to know I really don't think you're a moron. You understand that, right? Good. As long as that's cleared up, now let us move on.

Suddenly and without warning BloodEngel had a gun thrust to the back of her head. "WHERE'S MY FIC!" Cried the voice of the angry Pharaoh.

BloodEngel immediately recognized the voice, "Oh, Yami. You're back from Never Seen Again. How…Nice." The Pharaoh could sense the lie in her sentence, for after coming back from Never Seen Again he had been blessed with special magical powers. Magical powers which could defeat BloodEngel! What was this magical power? He had a gun, you moron…Sorry! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! That's it, come on back, there ya go.

BloodEngel gulped with fear. "I'm going to write your fic right now. Why else would I be up at this hour?" Yami foolishly believed BloodEngel but followed her up the stairs to her computer nonetheless. BloodEngel sat down and with a gun being pointed at her head began to write…

Poor poor Yami.

("Blah Blah Blah.") Yami or BloodEngel talking while BloodEngel writes


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:** In Which Horror Begins

"Once upon a time in a far away land…" Yugi read aloud as Yami snuggled into his bed and listened intently.

(Yami: "Hey! How'd you know Yugi reads to me before I go to sleep!"

BloodEngel: sweat drop "Lucky guess.")

"There was a happy Pharaoh named Atem. He lived happily and was happy. One day he beheaded a guy. The End." Yugi closed the book entitled Stories to Make Yami Shut Up, turned off the lamplight and left the room to go drink mocha with Mokuba.

(Yami: "Since when is Mokuba back?"

BloodEngel; "Since I-Don't-Care.")

The happy Yami then went to sleep. That is when the scary, scary men came… The scary, scary men were a tribe of bald people. They were all bald. The leader of them, was President George Washington! "Give me your hair!" Said George in a zombie-like voice.

"No! Never! You can never have my beautiful hair!" Yami cried in horror.

So George did the worst…He got a jar of pickles! "If you don't give me your hair I'll feed you this jar of pickles! And not just any pickles! Moldy Pickles!"

(BloodEngel: "Hold on a second, can pickles even have mold?")

"No! No!" Yami whined in a girlish voice, "Not pickles! NOT PICKLES!"

"Yes, PICKLES!" George Washington shrieked evilly and opened the jar. With a moldy zombie finger he grabbed an almost identical moldy pickle and shoved it at Yami, "Pull all your hair out or we'll make you eat ALL of these pickles!"

Yami hesitated, "How many are there?"

"Three!" Washington answered seethingly as Yami screamed in horror at the large number.

"Three moldy pickles? No, I can't do it!"

"Use the force, Yami. Use the force." Said Yoda, whom Yami forgot was also pretty bald and also wanted his hair.

"All right." Yami answered unsurley. He had no idea what the force was though…So randomly all of his hair just fell out and he was left with a shiny bowling-ball head. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yami, ever so terrified Yami, yelled.

"ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" chanted the scary, scary men as Yami shriveled up and died of loosing his hair.

At this point he woke up and screamed his head off while Yugi and Mokuba just sat around drinking their mochas. Eventually he went back to sleep and dreamt about BloodEngel taking over the world…Twelve times. Yes, today was going to be a horrible day for Yami.

Poor Poor Yami.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:** In Which Yami Gets an Electric Toothbrush stuck up his Nose.

After a night of restless sleep Yami woke up and shrugged his dream misfortunes off. Ha ha, he's so dumb he wouldn't see a bad omen if it came up and kicked him in the face.

(Yami: "Not true!"

Bad Omen: comes up and kicks Yami in the face

Yami: "Huh? What was that?"

BloodEngel: "I rest my case.")

As usual Yami went to go and brush his teeth. Or to put it more accurately what was left of them, his teeth were a dentist's nightmare. Why? It was common for ancient Egyptians to get tooth decay because there was sand in their bread! And Yami just loved the taste of sand. He ate it all the time when Yugi wasn't watching. That's why he liked going to the park so much.

Like a good little Yami he picked up Yugi's electric toothbrush and began to brush, every time he spit sand and metal landed in the sink. It was at this time Yami noticed something new about himself…He had hairs in his nose! Yami frowned at the new discovery. "No," he convinced himself, "It's just a little dirty in there that's all." And like the idiot he truly was he took the toothbrush…And shoved it up his nose. Wildly he began brushing the inside of his nostril like he would his mouth. Yami is so dumb.

Poor poor Yami.

After Yami was fully satisfied with his job he smiled, confident he wouldn't find and nose hairs. But when he tried to pull the toothbrush out he found it was STUCK! The calm and level headed Pharaoh took a breath…And started to scream. Yami has a toothbrush stuck up his nose.

Poor poor Yami.

Yugi heard Yami screaming and after around ten minutes he decided to go and see what was wrong. When he entered the bathroom he found Yami. But this wasn't just any Yami. This was Yami with Yugi's toothbrush stuck up his nose. Yugi's electrical toothbrush.

Poor poor Yami.

Yugi sighed and decided to drive Yami to the hospital, which was a problem because Yugi couldn't reach the pedals. After crashing into a lot of different cars and Kiaba Corp. as well as going off a cliff and into a swimming pool the two finally arrived at the hospital. Yugi was treated for car-crash injuries and Yami eventually had the toothbrush removed. He was shocked to find the hairs up his nose were still there. His plan hadn't worked.

Poor poor Yami.

Not only that but now his left nostril had been stretched and was bigger than the right one. Yami's nostrils were completely different sizes.

Poor poor Yami.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:** In Which Yami Visits Anzu

Yami walked onto Anzu's doorstep. Yugi had to stay at the hospital. Apparently he had some kind of concussion. Yami rang the doorbell and Anzu immediately answered, "Hello, Yami." She said politely as she opened the door for him to come in. Anzu's house was neat and organized. It wouldn't be that way for long with Yami around.

Poor poor **_Anzu._**

(Yami: "You're not gonna bash Anzu?"

BloodEngel: "No."

Yami: "Why?"

BloodEngel: Because you suck! YOU suck! YOU! cries for a while before calming down I'm okay.)

After just three minutes of being at Anzu's he'd already run into three tables, smashed two vases and stepped on a cat's tail. "Umm…" Anzu stated after seeing the walking destruction machine. Look at that. Yami was a klutz.

Poor poor Yami.

"Hey, Yami!" Anzu said with a sudden idea, "Are you hungry!" Yami immediately stopped giving himself a tour and ran over to Anzu, nodding quickly. Anzu sighed, knowing she had just save herself…Or thinking she had just saved herself to put it more accurately. "Cool, Let's go make dinner!"

Anzu and Yami walked into the kitchen and Anzu turned to look at Yami. "What'd ya wanna eat?"

Yami thought for a few seconds…Minutes…Hours. Three hours latter he finally exclaimed, "Mutton!"

Anzu sweet dropped and said flatly, "We don't have that."

"Oh I'm sure you do!" Yami exclaimed, looking through shelves.

"No, No! We don't!"

Yami foolishly grabbed a bag of flour the wrong way and caused it to spill all over the two of them. Anzu coughed and a little cloud of white smoke appeared in front of her. Yami just stared blankly before offering to wash the stuff off Anzu. "No!" Anzu yelled as Yami grabbed the sprayer from the sink, he aimed it at Anzu and turned it on. Soon Anzu was covered in sickly goo. Yami stupidly hosed himself down, getting the stuff in his eyes.

Anzu huffed and decided to go and take a shower while Yami looked, with surprise, at his predicament. In around three hours Yugi came by to pick up Yami, Anzu had changed and been reading Chobits Manga while listening to Yami cry for help. After Anzu answered the door she led Yugi to where Yami had been last. Yami's flour had frozen into a human body-cast. Yami was stuck in place.

Poor poor Yami.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:** In Which Yami Kills BloodEngel for Making This Story.

"Okay!" BloodEngel exclaimed, "I'm done!"

Yami looked skeptical at the piece of work. "THIS IS MY FIC!" He asked in fury, jamming the gun further into BloodEngel's head.

"Yeah! I'm really proud!" BloodEngel responded.

"Wha-? Uh? Me? Who!" Yami asked, confused, and fainted.

BloodEngel blinked a few times. "Wasn't I supposed to die?" BloodEngel took a small sip of a drink which magically appeared on her desk. It turns out the drink had been poisoned by Yami. She then died. Now BloodEngel died.

Poor poor Yami?

BloodEngel: Hello guyz! This ends this fic! Just like "In Which Yami Malik Stalks BloodEngel" I finished this in only one day! YAY! I know the last chapter was short but it was a short story. I'm trying to make this Author's Note long so I don't feel so dumb for making a short chapter. Review, Flames Accepted.

Anzu friendly! I never really had much of a problem with Anzu truly…I thought she was a bit annoying but I think a lot of people are annoying! I think some of my best friends are annoying! …I think I'm gonna be more Anzu friendly now. Yeah. Why not! ANZU FANS WELCOME! …That may or may not be a true statement, I'm just trying to make this seem longer. But Anzu fans are welcome! Anyone who wants to review or even just read is welcome! My bashing isn't because I hate characters. I bash my friends all the time, for Ra's sake! It's basically just some funny little humor bits. Who doesn't laugh at making fun of people?

See Ya!

BloodEngel.


End file.
